


what good is truth if you don't understand?

by itisjosh



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Exile, Exploration, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghosts, Happy Ending, Post-War, Protective Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Traveling, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, fuck smp!dream all my homies hate smp!dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28716654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: "You told me," Tommy whispers, "that if I wasn't going to be the next Wilbur, then you wouldn't be the next Schlatt. You lied," Tommy laughs, a bitter sound that rings in his ears even after it fades from the world. "You're such a liar. You're such a liar," he shakes his head, turning away."Careful, Tubbo," Tommy turns a little, looking over his shoulder. "Your horns are showing."
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 15
Kudos: 710





	what good is truth if you don't understand?

**Author's Note:**

> alt. title: "it's the end of the world (or, at least, the end of mine)"

"I'm going to give you a choice, Tommy," Tubbo's voice is uncharacteristically harsh, filled with something like hurt and grief, even though nothing bad is happening to him. Tommy stares at his best friend, his jaw hanging open as Tubbo meets his eyes. There's nothing but coldness in them, though Tommy can tell that it's only a mask, it's only a thinly veiled attempt at pretending. "You can either leave by choice, or I'll make Dream take you far away from New L'manberg," Tubbo stands taller, tilting his head up ever so slightly, just enough to look over Tommy's head. "Make your choice, Tommy." Tommy shifts on his feet, jamming his hands in his pockets so he doesn't punch his best friend in the face. He narrows his eyes, taking a few strides towards the person he trusted the most in the entire world. Tommy stands chest-to-chest with him, and Tubbo doesn't move back, he doesn't back down at all. 

"You told me," Tommy whispers, "that if _I_ wasn't going to be the next Wilbur, then _you_ wouldn't be the next Schlatt. You lied," Tommy laughs, a bitter sound that rings in his ears even after it fades from the world. "You're such a liar. You're _such_ a liar," he shakes his head, turning away. "Careful, Tubbo," Tommy turns a little, looking over his shoulder. "Your horns are showing." Tubbo flinches back like he's been hit, his hand flying up to his chest, gripping his suit. His eyes well with tears, and Tommy can't help but laugh. That's what makes him cry, of course it is. Tubbo wouldn't have started to cry if he had just exiled Tommy, no. He'll cry at Schlatt's name, but not Tommy's pain. Of course. Tommy doesn't know why he's surprised. 

He turns away, not looking back as he starts to walk. He doesn't want to go to Pogtopia, _god_ , does he _not_ want to go back to Pogtopia. Every day he spent in that fucking hellhole he swears he lost more and more of himself. No wonder Wilbur went insane down there, no wonder he lost his fucking mind. Tommy is fairly certain that if he spent just a few more weeks in that fucking pit, he would've lost his mind, too. "Wait, Tommy?" He breathes out at Wilbur's voice, craning his head ever so slightly. Tubbo is staring at him, tears trailing down his face. Quackity and Fundy look at him with something akin to pity, something similar to hurt. "Why are we leaving?" 

"I'm leaving, 'cause Tubbo doesn't want me here," Tommy mutters, forcing himself to breathe, forcing himself to remember that Wilbur, _Ghostbur_ , doesn't understand much of anything anymore. "I'm exiled, Wilbur. I'm not supposed to be here anymore. I have to go. You should.." he turns back, facing the trees that loom over him, towering in front of him. He's seen them thousands of times before. He remembers coming out here in the dead of the night to sit with Tubbo, to laugh and read about old tales and stories. They'd come out here in the early morning, sitting beneath trees and walking in the forest, hopping over fallen logs and rolling up their pant legs as they crossed through river streams. "You should stay, Will. You should stay here." 

Wilbur blinks at him, tilting his head to the side. It feels like a punch in the stomach, watching him do that. Wilbur would always do that stupid head tilt whenever Tommy said something stupid, he'd always get the biggest grin on his face before he doubled over into fits of laughter, clutching his chest as he cackled. Wilbur's mannerisms were always so specific, all of them were always so _special_ , they were always limited to Wilbur, all of them were. Tommy found himself doing his stupid handclap whenever he would laugh, leaning back on his heels when he'd do so. Tommy found himself laughing the same way Wilbur used to. Tommy clung onto anything he could that Wilbur used to do, always pretending like the ghost of his brother would notice, that he'd replicate them. 

It never worked. Wilbur never picked up on it, he never figured it out. When he was alive, Tommy knows that he would've picked up on it for sure. That he would've poked fun at him, that he would've jokingly called him names and ruffled his hair and laughed at him, grinning with that proud look in his eyes that made Tommy's chest hurt. "Why would I leave?" Wilbur asks, his normal raspy tone fading for a moment, his eyes clearing for a second. "Why wouldn't I come with you?" The genuinity in his voice makes Tommy want to cry, it makes him want to break down and scream and sob. Wilbur sounds normal, he sounds normal for a second. He sounds like the man Tommy swore to follow to the ends of the earth. He sounds like the man Tommy could trust, the one person that Tommy knew would always protect him, no matter what. 

"Will, I.." Tommy shakes his head, looking away, unable to maintain eye contact with his brother. "You've got everyone else here, don't you? You've- you've got Phil and Technoblade, and that sheep of yours. You don't need me, no one.." Tommy laughs, biting down on his tongue. _No one does_. No one needs him, that's fucking obvious. Every single person he thought he could trust has turned their backs on him, and now he's alone. Alone and unwanted, alone and unneeded. 

"Well," Wilbur moves to touch the ground, his feet making a soft thumping noise as they hit the grass. "I'd say that we should go together then, right?" Wilbur smiles at him, and for a moment, Tommy swears to god that Wilbur is back to normal. "You've always been my right-hand man."

Tommy looks at him, feeling tears well up in his eyes. His chest aches, his heart threatening to collapse. There's no way that his Wilbur his back. There's no way that he's finally come back, that he's finally replaced Ghostbur. "You.." he blinks, shaking his head. "Will, what's..why.." Wilbur smiles gently at him, putting his arm around Tommy's shoulder, forcing him to keep walking when he starts to. "Wilbur? I don't.." 

"It'll be okay," Wilbur tells him, closing his eyes as they walk into the forest, smiling. Tommy watches as the god rays shine against his face, his head tilted back ever so slightly. His stupid yellow jumper stands out against the dull browns of the spruce forest, making him so unbelievably obvious. His hair falls in his face, just like it used to, and Tommy feels like a kid again. He remembers Wilbur taking him by the hand and dragging him off onto an adventure into the woods behind Phil's house. Tommy remembers being taken to an old playground with broken swings that Wilbur fixed with duct tape and wooden planks. Wilbur joked about it being their little secret spot, where they could just go and relax while Phil taught Techno how to fight, where they didn't have to be cramped in a house all day. "You're looking at me like you've.." Wilbur stops. "Well, I suppose you have." 

"What?" Tommy blinks, shaking his head as he processes his brother's words. "You're not the same as you were. Why aren't you Ghostbur?" Wilbur blinks at him, looking hurt. His hand reaches to touch his chest, and if Tommy looks hard enough, he can see stitches mending Wilbur's jumper together, right where his hand rests. "I didn't..mean it like that," Tommy murmurs. "I didn't want Ghostbur, I just..wanted my brother back." 

Wilbur's shoulders relax, and he smiles again, looking significantly less worried. "I remember most things," Wilbur announces. "It was nice to pretend like I didn't. It was nice to not remember. It was nice," Wilbur's smile drops. "It was nice before you started to need me again."

"I.." Tommy's head is spinning. There's so much to process, so much to think about. "I never stopped needing you," are the words that Tommy decides to settle on. "You just..left," he shakes his head. "You left, and I was alone, and you didn't..you left, Will. You didn't say goodbye, you just _left_. You..you.." 

"I'm sorry," Wilbur murmurs. "I'm sorry. I thought you were happier." 

"You were fucking wrong," Tommy sneers at him, though he can't bring himself to be angry, to be mad. Can we just.." he closes his eyes, feeling like his legs are weighed down by the entire earth. "I don't want to be here. I don't want to stay in L'manberg, Wilbur. I don't think this place was ever my home, not really," Tommy scoffs. "It was always your country, but it was never home, was it?" He asks. "Did you love it, Wilbur? Not because you made it, but because it was nice, 'cause it was a home. Did you?" 

Wilbur is silent for a long time, and Tommy wonders if it's really that difficult of a question. "I think I did, yes. It was home, Tommy. To me, at least. It had always been home. It was the first place that I called home after Phil," he smiles. "Maybe it wasn't home to you, but to me, I think it always was. It still is. No matter how much I wish that it wasn't, it still is. I don't think I'll ever be able to get away from L'manberg in the end, and I don't think that I want to."

"Even if the people there hate you?" Tommy asks. "L'manberg isn't just a place, Will, it's a-"

"It's a people, I know," Wilbur rolls his eyes. "I was the one who said that first, TommyInnit, I know. Trust me, I know. You should stop using my own quotes," he grins at him, and Tommy can't help but grin back. If he forgets why they're out here, if he forgets why Wilbur's suddenly decided to tell him everything, it's almost nice. It's almost like old times, back before they were fighting for their lives every single day. Almost. "You should get your own. You're smart enough to say things that people will want to remember." 

"I don't think I'm that kind of person," Tommy snorts. "People don't look up to me for advice, Will. They looked up to you, 'cause you were the kind of person who knew what to say. I never understood how you did it. How'd you always know the right thing to say? How did you do it? How'd you pretend to be so strong for so long?" Tommy wonders aloud. "How'd you manage to fool everyone, Will? 'Cause I've been trying to do the same exact thing, and I just can't figure out how to."

Wilbur looks at him. "It seems like I didn't have everyone fooled, Tommy. It seems like you noticed just fine." Tommy smiles at him, tapping his head with his index finger. 

"Brothers, Will. I know every single thing that goes on in your stupid big head. You can fool the world with the prettiest lie, but you can't do the same to me," Tommy tells him. "Not when I grew up with you, not when we had to live together down in that fuckin' pit. I know you better than you think I do, big man. You can't lie to me without me knowing." Wilbur blinks, frowning. 

"So you knew, then. When I told you that I wouldn't blow up L'manberg. You knew I was lying to you, and you didn't do anything about it." 

Tommy feels his stomach drop. "Actually, no. You weren't Wilbur back then. I thought you wouldn't actually do it," he laughs, though it's weak and forced. "You were never going to stop. I tried to get you to, but you wouldn't. I thought that maybe, you know, you had stopped wanting to do that when we won, but then you disappeared. And I knew, I knew where you were, but I couldn't get to you. I had hoped that Phil might have been able to stop you, but.." Tommy looks away. "Yeah. I knew. Just like how you knew that I was always going to trust you, and you used that," Tommy smiles, though he doesn't know why he does. "But it's okay. I get it, you weren't..the same. You weren't Wilbur. You were someone else. And I get it, 'cause I was right on my way to becoming a different person, too." 

"You've always been too good of a person for that, Tommy-"

"No," Tommy shakes his head, "no. If you can change after everything, Will, that means that anyone can. You're the strongest person I know, and for you to drop your morals and go fucking mental.." he sighs. "No. If you can change, I can change. Doesn't always mean it's in the bad way, you know?" Tommy raises an eyebrow at him. "Sometimes we can change for the better. Sometimes we can fix the things that we do, but people don't ever want to do that. Too much effort, right?"

"People don't like change," Wilbur murmurs, his voice soft and level. "People hate it. It makes them hurt and it drives them to insanity. Change is necessary, but by god does it fucking hurt," he moves his arm from around Tommy's shoulders, pausing in the middle of the woods. They're somewhere that Tommy doesn't quite recognise. He hadn't realised that they had walked that far, that they had already traveled past midday. "Change, Tommy, is the basis of everything. It can be good or bad, but one singular change can be the difference between life and death," Wilbur tells him. "Between peace and war. Between danger and security. Everything can turn into something else when one thing changes." 

Tommy rolls his eyes. "One thing's never changed."

"And what might that be, TommyInnit?" He grins. 

"Your love for dramatism, Wilbur Soot," Tommy laughs, ducking his head. "Thanks, for uh..coming with me. I'm.." he looks back towards where they had come from, unable to L'manberg's lights. It's not dark, it's barely even noon, but there's a haze over his eyes that makes everything feel dark and draining. "I don't know if he meant it or not, Will. Do you think he really wanted me gone? Do you think that he wanted to me to leave, that he..wanted me gone? That it isn't _just_ what was best for the country, that it was what was best for him," Tommy swallows, feeling his heart sink to his stomach. "Do you think he meant it?" 

Wilbur shakes his head, shoving his hands in his pockets as they continue to walk. "He's your best friend, of course he didn't mean it. Tommy, you have to remember," Wilbur turns to look at him, his eyes glowing a pale golden colour, boring into him even if he has no pupils. "You're both just kids. Kids fuck up, they make bad choices. Tubbo isn't even seventeen yet, and he..I put him in charge of a country, I put him on the spot. I shouldn't have done that. Tommy, if you want someone to blame," Wilbur looks at him again, completely serious. "You can blame me. I don't mind." 

Tommy smiles at him, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Now, Will, why would I blame the one person who's stuck with me throughout all of this? That's just not fair. No matter what you did and how fucked you were, you're..this part, this bit, it's not your fault. Everything else, sure. I could go out on a limb and say that you created Dream just to spite me, that you put all the bad things in the world, but this wasn't you. This part, Wilbur? This part of my story, this fucking _shitty_ story, you didn't write that," Tommy shakes his head. "No, that..that was me. This is all me. You always told me to start taking responsibility of myself, and so..I'm trying that out. Is it meant to make me want to punch someone, but, like, mostly myself?" Wilbur smiles back at him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. 

"Yeah. But that's how you know it's working. I'm proud of you, Tommy. No matter what, I'll always be proud of you," Wilbur tells him, and Tommy knows that he's not lying. "Now, I think we should leave this forest before we start deciding that we want to stay here," he pauses. "Until we find somewhere far away from L'manberg, we can't stop moving. Just in case. And then," Wilbur smiles, "when we find somewhere that's far, we can settle down. We can pretend like our lives are fixed, and maybe, one day, we can comeback." 

Tommy looks behind him one last time. "Maybe," he agrees. "Maybe."

* * *

Life goes on, Tommy learns. Life goes on even when he doesn't want it to. The world spins on its axis continuously, never ending even though he wishes that it would. Tommy finds out that life is more of a bitch than he thought, that having to live without his best friend is harder than he thought it'd be. A few days after Tommy's exile, Wilbur disappeared for a few hours, returning with a glowing compass and slip of paper that said _Your Tubbo_ on it. Wilbur had told him that it would always lead to Tubbo, that it would always point to him. He told him that he gave Tubbo a similar compass, though it would always point to Tommy instead. Tommy held out hope that one day, Tubbo would come and find them, that he'd leave L'manberg behind, that he would brave the journey that Tommy had before. 

The compass' arrow turned occasionally, though it was mostly stuck in one spot, where L'manberg is. Tommy spent days watching it, he spent months waiting for someone who would never show his face. Tommy spent every hour he wasn't working looking at the compass, and he had to throw it into a river to get himself to stop, to break his own spirit. Wilbur retrieved the compass a day or so later, coming back with his face half-melted and his eyes tired. Apparently, he hadn't moved away from the river bank in time before a flood. 

Tommy never threw the compass away again.

He shifts on his chair, watching with amused eyes as Wilbur points a fork in Techno's direction, threats dropping from his mouth, although they mean nothing. It's been almost two years now, he thinks, since he had to leave his old home. It's been about a year since Phil and Techno showed up, looking happy and excited that they had finally found their missing sons and brothers. Tommy remembers hearing the knock on the door, he remembers racing down the stairs, desperately hoping it was Tubbo, and- 

_"Halloo. Phil's a couple minutes behind, he's bringin' bees to start a farm. Can I come in?"_

Tommy isn't sure if he's disappointed that it was Techno and not Tubbo, but now, he thinks that he might know the answer. He watches his family banter with each other, listens to Wilbur's laugh, the way he claps his hands and leans back in his seat, his grin getting bigger with every joke told, with everything threat made. Phil's mostly the same, tears shining at the corners of his eyes from how hard he had been laughing only a few moments ago. Techno's own grin is getting bigger, his eyes crinkled at the sides as he laughs and jokes, making poorly worded threats that mean nothing other than affection. 

"I'm going to kick your ass, Technoblade," Wilbur announces, gaining his composure for a few moments. "You are an absolute _wanker_." Techno stares at him, one eyebrow raised, nearly going off of his fucking face. 

"A..what," Techno blinks. "I don't know your fancy words, witch. Are you tryin' to hex me?" Phil bursts out laughing, hitting his hand on the table when he does, nearly doubling over. "What?" Techno laughs, holding up his hands. "I don't know! I might be gettin' cursed here, Phil, and all you've got to offer me is a wheeze and some tears? I can't trust anyone here, can I?"

Tommy grins, picking up his fork, stabbing a piece of meat with it. "Nah. We've all anonymously agreed to lock you outside of the rest your life. You're never allowed back in here, sorry. Well," he tilts his head to the side. "I'm not, but Will says that it's polite of me to apologise when I say things. You know that I only say true things, so I don't see why I'm being punished for telling the truth, especially when it comes to-"

"Unanimously," Wilbur grins at him. "Unanimously. Not anonymously. They mean different things."

"You know what?" Tommy glares at him. "Fuck you, prick. Fuck you, bitch boy. Yeah, how's that make you feel, bitch? Bitch! You're just a troll, you're just a-"

"A _troll?_ " Wilbur's face lights up with glee, and Tommy scowls at him. "God, your accent is dumb and I hate it."

Tommy stares at him. "Wilbur, you don't even wanna know what I think about your face-"

"Jesus Christ, you two," Phil sighs, though his eyes are still smiling. "Stop it, knock it off. Cease. Shut." Tommy barks out a laugh, leaning back on his chair, nearly tilting it to the point where he falls on his ass. He grins at his and, sticking his tongue out at Techno and Wilbur a second later. Techno returns to monologuing about something that Tommy hasn't been paying attention to while Wilbur interjects and makes stupid jokes, ones that make no sense to the story whatsoever. 

Tommy listens to his family argue and laugh and push each other's limits, and he knows damn well that he wouldn't have it either way. L'manberg might have been his home, he thinks, but _god_ was it draining. He was trapped there, unable to leave and go off on his own because of his responsibilities. Tommy wonders if Tubbo feels the same, and he wishes he could stop thinking about him, he wishes he could stop thinking about the boy who laughed about bees landing on his fingers, settling on his hands as if he were a flower himself. Tommy wishes that he could stop remembering those moments, those little intricate moments that fill his heart with joy and hurt and nostalgia, and-

"Hey," Wilbur looks at him, his voice just low enough for Tommy to hear. He blinks, looking back up from the table he didn't realise he was staring at. Techno's started to talk to Phil instead, his features animated as he rambles on about his stories that Phil was certainly there for. "You're thinking too hard. What about?" Tommy offers him a tired smile, figuring that's all he really needs to do. Wilbur gets the hint, he hears Tommy's unspoken words, he always does. "Ah. You know, there's always the chance that he'll come around someday. But until then," Wilbur gestures back over to Phil and Techno. "Stay in the moment with us, yeah? Focus on the presents, not the future."

Tommy smiles, ducking his head. "You make it sound easier than it is." Wilbur smiles back, the same weary one that Tommy has on his face most days. 

"I know. I miss Fundy and Niki a lot. But," he glances back to the other two people in the room. "Sometimes you have to make yourself believe that it's easier than it really is. Sometimes you have to trick your brain into shutting up for a few minutes. Stay with us, okay?" Wilbur raises his eyebrows. "Tell us some shitty jokes and laugh with us, Tommy. We're not going anywhere." Tommy leans back against his seat, smiling a little more genuinely as he listens to Phil and Techno laugh, laughing along as they drag him and Wilbur into their stupid inside jokes. 

Things aren't the same, life is hard and Tommy hurts everyday that goes by, but it's getting so much easier.

And, he thinks, listening to his family fill the walls with laughter, that's all he could ask for. 


End file.
